I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
