He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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