"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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