I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
