I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
