Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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