that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize