I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
