so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
