Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
