Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
