if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
