So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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