So many bounce houses so little time
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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