come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
