Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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