Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
