WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
