Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
