I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
