I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
