So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
