why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You're my little dorito
My friends, they love my intelligence
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
