I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard