I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.