We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.