How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess