just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You pole danced in your parka.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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