i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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