Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
