so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
