My first STD was from a foam party
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
