im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
