He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
