lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
