omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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