it was like his penis was on wheels.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
