I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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