I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
