Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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