I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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