oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
