Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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