there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize