Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
