you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
