so explain again why im purple
no
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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