You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need a beard to bite.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
