Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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