I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
