I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
