We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There's even glitter on my cock...
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