Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
