the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
