Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
