M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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