All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
