Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
