doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
