He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So. Much. Porn.
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