She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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