Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
