he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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