She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
