I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
