The maid of honor just puked.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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