the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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