the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
