toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
