My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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