I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
